Facing My Fear

I am going to admit something that I have never admitted before.  To anyone.  Not even myself really.

I am scared.  Don’t mistake me – – I am no Doomsday Prepper.  I don’t have a bomb shelter and I don’t keep an emergency supply of food, water, medicines and basic necessities that will keep me and my neighborhood going for two years should Armageddon come.  I am so lax in this regard, if there is a natural disaster we’ll starve before lunch.

But I am scared of failure.  There, I said it.  I hate admitting it.  I will freely admit my fear of snakes.  Hate them.  See no purpose for their being in the world, at least as long as I’m in it.  I’m afraid of getting sick in public.  Yes, I am that shallow.  I cannot stand the thought of anyone seeing me sick.   And since last summer, I apparently also have an issue with heights.  Has this happened to anyone else?  I’ve certainly never been a daredevil but I’ve never had an issue with heights before and last summer I got on a ferris wheel and nearly had an anxiety attack.

But maybe failure – – and even success – – is the most frightening fear to have.  I can basically stay away from snakes.  I can keep away from heights if I have to.  I’m not a sickly person (knock wood) so I’m generally okay with the “sick in front of others” thing.  But failure . . . don’t we have to fail sometimes in order to succeed?  And if we fear success, aren’t we dooming ourselves for failure?

Sometimes I think this fear affects my writing and holds me back.  What if I don’t finish my book?  What if I do?  What if no one reads my book?  What if everyone does?  What if I’m a failure as an author?  What if I’m a success?

Do these thoughts go through your mind?  I’m really curious to know.  I think every writer, published or unpublished, worries about how their work will be perceived.  It’s natural.  Maybe successful and unsuccessful need to be redefined.  Is it about being a published author that motivates you, or just finishing your book?  What do you deem “successful”?  (If you think money, you might better rethink your goals).  And do you ever fear that success?


14 thoughts on “Facing My Fear

  1. Reblogged this on Melissa Janda – the Buzz on Writing and commented:
    I often feel this way but find inspiration in the following:
    Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
    Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
    It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
    We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant,
    gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
    Actually, who are you not to be?
    You are a child of God.
    Your playing small does not serve the world.
    There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking
    so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
    We were born to make manifest the glory of
    God that is within us.
    It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
    And as we let our own light shine,
    we unconsciously give other people
    permission to do the same.
    As we are liberated from our own fear,
    Our presence automatically liberates others.

    —Marianne Williamson

  2. Thank you for the mention!

    I believe fear is necessary to overcome, in order to grow out of a ‘safe zone’. The walls of the ‘safe zone’ is fear, and for the last 8 months, I have been nothing else but try to break down these walls.

    It’s perfectly fine to feel scared, because every person gets anxiety once in a while. The thing you should be thinking about instead, is: what am I going to do about it? Am I going to make myself strong enough I don’t carry the fear, or am I going to live with it like this forever?

    • Thanks for commenting, jdudez14!

      I agree with your point that once we identify and accept that we have the fear, we need to decide what to do about it. (Hopefully be strong and not carry it around!)

      Happy Friday!

  3. Hi Cutie, I would like to offer my two cents. Success is not based on being published. I think it’s based on if you choose to write or not write. If you are satisfied with what you’ve written it really doesn’t matter if someone else feels the need to judge you. As far as fear goes it a good reason to hold the hand of a loved one just a little tighter. Real fear is not having that hand to hold and looking in that other persons’ eyes and hearing them say ” it will be alright. ” luv u piglet

    • Hi Bill! Happy to see you here.

      I agree with you 100%. I dream of being a published author but I consider myself successful and a “writer” as long as I’m writing. And I write without fear of what others may think or say here – – as long as it invites conversation, I’m good.

      I know that Sherri is still holding your hand, even if you can’t see it or physically feel it. She will be with you every single day until it’s time for you to reunite. I know that deep in my heart. And I know she is cheering each one of us on. We could ask for no better angel/cheerleader in our corner!

      Luv ya too!

  4. I love the comment from Bill & Sherri and totally agree. My only fear of failure is that I haven’t tried. If I’ve tried and failed I’m still happy with the outcome because I’ve done the best I can. I just enjoy the act of writing and that keeps me pretty happy 😉

    • You make an excellent point, diannegray, and one I wish I had mentioned in my original post – – not trying should be a fear in itself. It reminds me of advice I received many years ago from an instructor of mine with regard to a personal relationship trauma I was going through. He told me that you never want to look back one day and wonder “what if?” I think it’s a great point and was thinking of it earlier today but didn’t quite connect the dots to how it works with writing and many other things as well.

      Thanks for posting. Happy Friday!

    • Thanks so much for stopping by and posting, leveluphealth. Sometimes I think we all just need the reinforcement of knowing we aren’t the only ones going through, well, LIFE to give us some inspiration and strength.

      Happy Friday!

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